June 1, 2009
Ah, summertime is right around the corner and that makes me happy! The days are longer, the sun is out more and it's brighter, the temperatures are warm, hot, hotter! My kind of weather...bring it on!
My Honda Prelude is 10 years old now. I bought it 10 years ago over the Memorial Day holiday and it's so hard to believe so much time has passed. I remember it so well, it's like it happened yesterday! I don't get a new car every day, so it was a big event. I was incredibly excited. This car had everything my CRX didn't have...a 200 hp engine, a sun roof, automatic locks, anti-lock breaks, it was fuel injected...and that new car smell! So much has changed since then and my life is very very different than it was at that time. It makes me a little sad. My CRX was 10 years old when I traded it in for the Prelude, and life seemed good. Things were moving forward; going well. Now, not so much. I'll be hanging on to the Prelude for as long as I possibly can. Money is pretty tight (darned medical bills!). I'm no longer married. I've changed jobs and gone through some really rough times since then. Life is a trip, that's for sure! You don't get to sit around or stay in one place, even if you kind of like it there. Time moves on.
I'm hoping for better things...more sunshine, warmth, longer days filled with good things...but the seasons of our life aren't as predictable as those that roll around each year pretty much like clockwork. I could use a little summer in my heart as well as in the weather. Sure would like to go back 10 years and start that part of the journey over again. I think I could do a better job of navigating the road this time around. It would be nice to try...
June 14, 2009
This hits kind of close to home, seems to me...
And it came to pass in the Age of Insanity that the people of the land called
America , having lost their morals, their initiative, and their will to defend
their liberties, chose as their Supreme Leader that person known as “The
emerged from the vapors with a message that had no meaning; but He hypnotized
the people telling them,
"I am sent to save you.
My lack of experience, my questionable ethics, my monstrous ego, and my
association with evil doers are of no consequence. For I shall save you with
Hope and Change. Go, therefore, and proclaim throughout the land that he who
preceded me is evil, that he has defiled the nation, and that all he has built
must be destroyed."
And the people rejoiced, for even though they knew not what “The O" would do, he had promised that it was good; and they believed.
And “The O” said, "We live in the greatest country in the world. Help me change everything about it!"
June 16, 2009
I was looking at this magazine that I got in the mail the other day...one of those that is crammed full of all kinds of stuff that you really don't need, but that you wish you could buy. It had patio furniture and flower boxes and garden ornaments and bird baths and all kinds of fun stuff like that...you know the type of catalogue I'm talking about? Well this one had something I had never seen before. A butterfly house. Really. I mean, who knew that butterflies lived in a house? I sure didn't. But there it was, right next to the "Solar Butterfly Stakes." "Fill your yard with the wonder of butterflies." Sounds good, right? I certainly enjoy butterflies and this "house" was only $17.99 plus shipping and tax. The description goes on to say, "This hand painted Victorian style butterfly house sits atop a spindle turned wood stake base and features a daisy design." It's really quite pretty, a creamy ivory color with daisies painted around the base and on the "house" itself. I'm thinking to myself, "You know, I might just spring for this thing. It's pretty...it would look nice in the yard even if it didn't actually appeal to butterflies." So I read on..."Top removes for easy cleaning." Say what? Easy cleaning? Let me get this straight. I buy a pretty little house for butterflies and they expect ME to clean it for them? I can barely keep my house clean. In fact, most of the time, it's pretty messy! I still have that darned torn rotator cuff and it makes doing a lot of housework (such as scrubbing, vacuuming, mopping, lifting) pretty darned hard, if not impossible, to do. And the butterflies would expect ME to clean house for THEM when I can just BARELY keep my own decent? I don't think so! If I buy them a house, they're going to have to do their own cleaning! At which point, I threw the catalogue away. What's next? The squirrels want me to bury nuts on their behalf? Maybe the owls would like me to leave them a midnight snack? This could get out of hand pretty quickly if the word got out! "Yeah, we got a LIVE ONE at that house on the cul-de-sac...she just bought a HOUSE for the butterflies and she's CLEANING IT FOR THEM! Can you believe it? Bet we can get a handout from her too!" I have enough problems with nature as it is. The butterflies are on their own.
June 21, 2009
Wishing all you fathers out there a very happy father's day!
June 22, 2009
Have you ever had someone judge you without giving you a chance to explain?
After that, I missed a couple of his phone calls, though not on purpose. Not too long after this, he sent me an e-mail telling me he would no longer be trying to contact me because God had let him know that I was trying to avoid him and it would be best if he left it to me to get into contact with him. At this point, I got pretty angry. He never asked me if I was trying to avoid him. He “prayed about it” and “God told him” this was what was going on. It wasn’t, in fact, the truth. And I was so angry with him for making it into something it wasn't…and “spiritualizing” his response...I could hardly see straight. At that point, I decided that I WOULD avoid him because he didn't feel very safe and I didn’t want anything to do with someone who was going to judge me that way. I did try to explain, but he rejected my explanation, determined to believe I was trying to avoid him. Which made me even more angry.
I just got another e-mail from him, informing me that he would no longer be praying for me because God had told him it was time to stop. Now, if he doesn’t want to pray for me anymore because he’s angry with me or whatever, that’s fine. I’ve appreciated his prayers because, frankly, I need them. My life has been really hard for some time and I’ve been struggling. But no one owes me prayers or anything else, for that matter. He can certainly stop praying whenever he wants to. But to tell me that God told him it was time to stop praying for me made it something much bigger. No longer is it just him being done with me, but God is done with me too. And that really hurt. Made me angry all over again, true. But more than anything, it pierced my heart. It’s the way he always fights…he makes it God’s will…and how can you fight God’s will? He always does what is right; what God tells him. Which means you are always wrong. How do you defend yourself against that? You can’t. You are doomed before you start. So, I’ve lost a friend because I’ve been judged without ever being allowed to explain what was really going on and per that lost-to-me friend, God doesn’t even want him praying for me anymore. Which must mean I’m so awful I’m not even worth God’s attention and trouble, right?
Part of me wants to fight back, but I know it’s no use and that it will only make things worse. My words wouldn’t be heard. I tried once to explain and he shredded me and rejected everything I said. So I told him, “Whatever. Can’t fight God, can I?” I have to let it go. But it really hurts. And I’m left to wonder if God has washed His hands of me too, as my ex-friend has intimated. Bad enough to lose a friend. But to lose God too…that would be too much.